Sunday, December 13, 2009

I found this, this morning, and thought there might be some things in here to help you laugh and pick you up through the holidays if things go "stressful" for you.  I copied some of the comments from there, too, which I thought were good.

Written by Therese J. Borchard, from Beyond The Blue articles

1. Expect the Worst


Now that's a cheery thought for this jolly season. What I'm trying to say is that you have to predict bad behavior before it happens so that you can catch it in your holiday mitt and toss it back, instead of having it knock you to the floor. It's simple math, really. If every year for the last decade, Uncle Ted has given you a bottle of Merlot, knowing full well that you are a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for more years than his kids have been out of diapers, you can safely assume he will do this again. So what do you do? Catch it in your "slightly-annoyed" mitt. (And maybe reciprocate by giving him a cheese basket for his high cholesterol.)

2. Remember to "SEE"

No, I don't mean for you to schedule an appointment with an ophthalmologist. SEE stands for Sleeping regularly, Eating well, and Exercising. Without these three basics, you can forget about an enjoyable (or even tolerable) holiday. Get your seven to nine hours of sleep and practice good sleep hygiene: go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up in the same nightgown with the same man at the same time in the same house every morning.

Eating well and exercise are codependent, at least in my body, because my biggest motivator for exercising is the reduction in guilt I feel about splurging on dessert. Large quantities of sugar or high fructose corn syrup can poison your brain. If you know your weak spot--the end of the table where Aunt Judy places her homemade hazelnut holiday balls--then swim, walk, or jog ten extra minutes to compensate for your well-deserved treat. Another acronym to remember during the holidays is HALT: don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.


3. Beef Up Your Support

If you attend Al-Anon once a week, go twice a week during the holidays. If you attend a yoga class twice a week, try to fit in another. Schedule an extra therapy session as insurance against the potential meltdowns ahead of you. Pad yourself with extra layers of emotional resilience by discussing in advance specific concerns you have about X, Y, and Z with a counselor, minister, or friend (preferrably one who doesn't gossip).

In my life with two young kids, this means getting extra babysitters so that if I have a meltdown in Starbucks like I did two years ago--before I knew the mall was menacing to my inner peace--I will have an extra ten minutes to record in my journal what I learned from that experience

4. Avoid Toxic People


This one's difficult if the toxic people happen to be hosting Christmas dinner! But in general, just try your best to avoid pernicious humans in December. And if you absolutely must see such folks, then allow only enough time for digestion and gift-giving. Drink no more than one glass of wine in order to preserve your ability to think rationally. You don't want to get confused and decide you really do love these people, only to hear them say something horribly offensive two minutes later, causing you to storm off all aggravated and hurt. (This would also be a good time to remember Rule #1.)

5. Know Thyself

In other words, identify your triggers. As a highly sensitive person (as described in Elaine Aron's book, "The Highly Sensitive Person"), I know that my triggers exist in a petri dish of bacteria known as the Westfield Annapolis Mall. Between Halloween and New Years, I won't go near that place because Santa is there and he scares me with his long beard, which holds in its cute white curls every virus of every local preschool. Before you make too many plans this holiday season, list your triggers: people, places, and things that tend to trigger your fears and bring out your worst traits.

6. Travel With Polyester, Not Linen

By this, I DO NOT mean sporting the polyester skirt with the red sequinned reindeer. I'm saying that you should lower your standards and make traveling as easy as possible, both literally and figuratively. Do you really want to be looking for an iron for that beautiful linen or cotton dress when you arrive at your destination? I didn't think so--life's too short for travel irons.

I used to be adamantly opposed to using a portable DVD player in the car to entertain the kids because I thought it would create two spoiled monsters whose imaginations had rotted courtesy of Disney. One nine-hour car trip home to Ohio for Christmas, I cried uncle after six hours of constant squabbling and screaming coming from the back seat. Now David and Katherine only fight over which movie they get to watch first. If you have a no-food rule policy for the car, I'd amend that one during the holidays as well.

7. Make Your Own Traditions

Of course, you don't need the "polyester" rule if you ban holiday travel altogether. That's what I did this year. As the daughter/sister who abandoned her family in Ohio by moving out east, it has always been my responsibility to travel during the holidays. But my kids are now four and six. I can't continue to haul the family to the Midwest every year. We are our own family. So I said this to my mom a few weeks ago: "It's very important that I spend time with you, but I'd like to do it as a less stressful time, like the summer, when traveling is easier." She wasn't thrilled, but she understood.

Making your own tradition might mean Christmas Eve is reserved for your family and the extended family is invited over for brunch on Christmas Day. Or vice versa. Basically, it's laying down some rules so that you have better control over the situation. As a people-pleaser who hates to cook, I make a better guest than host, but sometimes serenity comes in taking the driver's seat, and telling the passengers to fasten their seatbelts and be quiet.

8. Get Out of Yourself

According to Gandhi, the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others. But that doesn't necessarily mean holding a soup ladle. Since my name and the word "kitchen" have filed a restraining order on each other, I like to think there are a variety of ways you can serve others.

Matthew 6:21 says "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." In other words, start with the things you like to do. For me, that is saying a rosary for a depressed Beyond Blue reader, or visiting a priest-friend who needs encouragement and support in order to continue his ministry, or helping talented writer friends get published. I'd like to think this is service, too, because if those people are empowered by my actions, then I've contributed to a better world just as much as if I had dished out mashed potatoes to a homeless person at a shelter.


9. Exercise Your Funny Bone

"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods," says a Japanese proverb. So, if you're with someone who thinks he's God, the natural response would be to laugh! But seriously folks, research shows that laughing is good for your health. And, unlike exercise, it's always enjoyable! The funniest people in my life are those who have been to hell and back, bought the t-shirt, and then accidentally shrunk it in the wash. Humor kept them alive--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember, with a funny bone in place--even if it's in a cast--everything is tolera

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jessica
December 10, 2009 2:07 PM
I love SEE and HALT! These two acronyms will be so helpful to me, not just at the holidays but regularly. I often stay up too late, I don't always eat right and I definately don't exercise enough. But if recovering from my depression is important to me, I need to SEE. When I'm depressed, I often "forget" to eat and I stay in rather than going out with friends or family so I get lonely. And if I'm not sleeping enough - there's the too tired problem. I went to a "comedy night" get together in my apartment building last night so I not only met new people, I laughed so hard my stomach hurt - two things are good for beating depression. Thanks for all your insight

Anonymous said...

Justaman
December 11, 2009 5:18 AM
That last one says it all. I believe laughter is great medicine. Maybe , the best. Love is great medicine,
as well. But, it can also break your heart. I know of no such example, when it comes to laughter. I've
nearly died laughing. And as tragic as that might be; I still think it would be a funny way to die.
By all rights, I should have been dead nearly three decades ago. There are three things, that I think,
have helped me to live on... LOVE, MUSIC, and my SENSE OF HUMOR.
There's a Pacific, Northwest Indian Tribe that believes a SENSE OF HUMOR to be GODs' first gift to
mankind. I believe they may be right. Perhaps, it's the most important, as well. It's one of the few
things that can get us through tragedy. I'll take laughter, anytime and anywhere I can get it.
I've come up with a couple of my own quotes that help set my philosophy of Life.
1) "I take it all seriously, with a grain of salt." and
2) "On Life: The trick is to ENJOY, not End Joy."

Let that be the MERRY in your CHRISTMAS. And the HAPPY in your NEW YEAR.
Laugh often, and Hearty. Laughter IS the Life of the Party.

Best wishes for a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR

-Just David